Here’s Nellas story, well, part of it, as you’ll see. We’d talked before, about becoming single, but then she didn’t want to share for the blog. This time was different. She’s been alone for just over two years after forty-seven years, marrying Harry at eighteen. When we parted this time, also, she said, “Let’s talk some more.”

Nella speaks:

“We’re having coffee, and my friend Leila asks me, like, out of nowhere: ‘Would you like to meet a man.’

‘No!’

I guess I just blurted it out. I wasn’t going there. Even surprised myself, the way I said it.

No!

As you know, I’ve been alone for about three years and she was getting at this idea I’ve had of ‘being faithful to Harry.’ Meaning what? I now say to myself.

If you’d asked me then, when Leila did, what I’d have said, if I put it in words, would have been all about wedding vows and forsaking all others and that kind of thing but it wouldn’t have made much sense because she’d caught me off guard. So I said ‘No.’

Like, I’d said ‘No’ to myself about other men without having thought it into words that made sense then or for the future. Just ‘No.’

It sounded right, and it felt right, and was the kind of thing that had been right, for over forty years. Right?

Well. I guess she got me thinking about what I meant by being faithful. And to what? And why? And for how long — the rest of my life? I mean, no more closeness?

So we talked about it, later, me mostly defensive but the fact is, though it didn’t come out all at once, I knew even then that I get lonely for a decent man’s company sometimes, and really wanting closeness, you know what I mean. It’s the way we are.

As we talked Leila and I put some pieces together, and it has helped. We talked about the friends that Harry and I had together, men and women, singles and couples, and that he’d certainly have wanted those to continue for me. And now that the ‘death do us part’ bit had parted us he’d want me to be happy with friendships. Keeping me happy was what he often jokingly said was his main business.

So since the first time Leila brought it up I’ve thought a lot about it and the answer now is, ‘Yes, I do want to meet a man, provided he’s single and decent!’ And I have. I’ve tried dating again, and I’m nervous about it, and have told my date just that.

That’s where the becoming single got real for me. There’s a lot to relearn, and some men have a lot to learn, too. It’s new in a way, to be walking on egg shells on a date when you’ve been so comfortable with your man for so long.  Couples don’t get much practice, do they? You pointed that out, I remember, when we first talked, earlier.

And, as our mothers told us, One thing leads to another, so I’m having to think about other things now, like what kind of closeness I want. And how much. Just friends? Friend with priveleges? Do I want to marry again?

I know Leila will bring it up again. She’s alone too, has been for five years, and shares.

Let’s talk some more.”